The 1st Secret to Leadership of Your Life: Finding and Harnessing Your Internal Strength

Here’s the 1st of seven secrets to contagious confidence and true-life leadership.

So many women tell me that they feel as if they are just puppets on a string in their own lives.  They do things for others, they react to what others want, and they lose track of themselves.  They don’t address their own needs and wants and thus end up feeling insecure, unhappy, and without motivation.  I get it.  I’ve been there myself.  I understand how it happens but I also know how to get out of it and get to a place where you are in charge of your own life.   Here’s the 1st of seven secrets to contagious confidence and true-life leadership.

Harnessing your internal strength; 2 types of crud to get rid of

I can hear you saying, “But that’s the problem, I don’t have internal strength.”  We all have internal strength but we have to clear out the crud to actually get to it.  What’s the crud?  There are two types of crud that zap your internal strength.

The first is feeling sorry for yourself.

It’s normal, it’s relatively natural but it’s really not helpful.  Allow yourself a moment to recognize that you are feeling sorry for yourself and then ask yourself this question, “How is feeling sorry for myself going to help me?”

Then take that question to the next level, “How can I pull myself out of this space?  What can I control in this situation?  If I can’t control something (or someone), how can I change how I’m looking at it?”  Keep reminding yourself that self-pity will NEVER change your situation.  You can’t lead your life from that space – ever.  You need to own the situation, your role in it, and how you can change it or change your perspective of it.  Don’t give up on this.  Keep fighting your way through it until you no longer feel sorry for yourself.  If you can’t do it on your own, get help!

The second type of emotional crud that keeps you from feeling and being strong is anger.

Although anger is a perfectly natural human reaction it is actually a secondary emotion.  That means that anger comes from another feeling such as shame, sadness, fear, etc.   Holding onto anger without digging to its source and ultimately changing it is a recipe for misery.  You cannot be assertive, powerful, and the leader of your own life if you are stuck in anger.

Stop and ask yourself where is this emotion coming from?  Is it possible that you are embarrassed, ashamed, afraid, tired, or some combination thereof?  Weed it out in order to reduce or relieve that anger.  Anger often leads to bad behavior that then often leads to regret or remorse.  Get yourself out of that space before it gets too comfortable for you!  Who wants to live their life in anger?

Once you get a handle on feeling sorry for yourself and anger as a secondary emotion, you can begin the process of owning and utilizing your internal strength.  It’s there; you just have to find it.  When you aren’t angry, you can listen to others but more importantly listen to yourself.  Confidence arrives at your door when self-pity walks out.  Kick it out now and start finding contagious confidence!

Stay tuned for 6 more secrets to leadership of your life.


Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. CPC

Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC

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Smart Women, Inspired Lives: How to Be Happy & Confident

by Dr. Lisa Kaplin
Do you long for more energy? Do you wish you could walk into any room and feel happy and confident? Do you simply want to enjoy your life more – personally and professionally? You can. Too many women today are doing more, but feeling less satisfied. Life doesn’t have to be that way. With small tweaks and simple strategies, you can enjoy a great life with soaring self-confidence, a good sense of well-being, and plenty of laughter. This easy-to-read yet profoundly impactful book will be all you need to join the tribe of smart women living inspired lives. Your life gets better right now.

About Lisa Kaplin, Psy. D, PCC

headshot of Lisa KaplinCertified Life Coach and Psychologist at Smart Women Inspired Lives.

I’m the proud owner of Smart Women Inspired Lives, where I help overwhelmed and exhausted women move from the feeling of being “stuck” into a life filled with calm, confidence, and joy. In addition to the posts and articles I write, I offer individual and group life coaching sessions, classes and speaking engagement opportunities.


closeup of woman outside smiling at the camera

Gain the Confidence You’ve Always Wanted

Are you stuck in a place where you don’t feel good about yourself, feel stuck, and don’t feel happy or fulfilled?  Whatever it is that keeps you from happiness can be solved.  It’s true! And it can usually be solved within a short amount of time.

Many women have either lost confidence in themselves or realize that they’ve never had it.  They are afraid to ask for what they want, they don’t feel good about themselves, and they find that just getting through the day is exhausting.

Lisa’s unique coaching around happiness, fulfillment, and self-esteem is a deep dive into insightful, permanent changes in how you feel about yourself, how you approach life, and how to take care of yourself in the healthiest possible way.

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There is [Almost] Always Good to be Found Do You Have a Fear of Food?
There is [Almost] Always Good to be Found
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