I hear similar stories from the parents I work with and from friends, “How come my children are ungrateful little brats?”
From years of working with parents, I’ve come to the realization that parents seem to expect their children to be born grateful and with the ability to say things such as, “Mom, I want to take this moment to tell you just how grateful I am for all of your hard work, for the roof over my head, food on the table, clothes on my back and the gifts that I receive. Since I am filled with such gratitude, I would like to take the rest of my life to thank you appropriately. Let my start by cleaning my room, being nice to my sibling and taking out the garbage without being reminded.”
Children are Naturally Self-Centered
Honestly, if your kids actually said those words to you, I might be a little bit nervous about their emotional stability. Here’s the thing parents, children are normally narcissistic and self-centered. I’m sure you were as well and now you have grown into a gratitude machine and you expect the same from your child. Gratitude is not a given, it is developed and grown with love, kindness, and guidance from others. So how can you help your children to be more grateful?
3 Easy Ways to Have Grateful Children
Allow your child to want things.
This doesn’t mean that you should give them everything they want. In fact, don’t. Yet there is no harm in allowing them to express what they want and for you to acknowledge their desires without giving them the “What do you think money grows on trees?” or “Why can’t you be grateful for what you have?” speeches. Ask your children why they want something, but ask them with curiosity, not condescension. Have discussions (not lectures) with your children about your own wants and what they mean to you. An example might be sharing with your children that you want a new car that is both better on gas and safer than the one you currently have. Explain to your children that cars are expensive and that parents work hard to own them. Let them know when you feel blessed for all you have both materially and emotionally.
Instead of demanding that your child express gratitude similar to the example above, ask your child to always use the words ‘please’ and ‘thank you’.
These are the beginning steps of gratitude. Always saying thank you for things that are given to us such as food placed in front of us, workers who may help us, etc. ‘Thank you’ should be said as well to teachers and coaches in your children’s lives. When my daughter participated in competitive dance, it was required that after each class the girls would wait in line to personally thank their teacher and give her a hug. It was a simple, yet powerful, gesture in looking someone in the eye and expressing simple words of gratitude.
Finally, consistently display gratitude for all that you have in your life.
Continue reading the full article on YourTango below…
Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. CPC
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Smart Women, Inspired Lives: How to Be Happy & Confident
by Dr. Lisa Kaplin
Do you long for more energy? Do you wish you could walk into any room and feel happy and confident? Do you simply want to enjoy your life more – personally and professionally? You can. Too many women today are doing more, but feeling less satisfied. Life doesn’t have to be that way. With small tweaks and simple strategies, you can enjoy a great life with soaring self-confidence, a good sense of well-being, and plenty of laughter. This easy-to-read yet profoundly impactful book will be all you need to join the tribe of smart women living inspired lives. Your life gets better right now.
About Lisa Kaplin, Psy. D, CPC
Certified Life Coach and Psychologist at Smart Women Inspired Lives.
I’m the proud owner of Smart Women Inspired Lives, where I help overwhelmed and exhausted women move from the feeling of being “stuck” into a life filled with calm, confidence, and joy. In addition to the posts and articles I write, I offer individual and group life coaching sessions, classes and speaking engagement opportunities.
Let’s face it, parenting can be really hard. Sometimes we aren’t sure how to handle really tough situations or really tough kids. Lisa has worked with parents since she started her training as a psychologist and has helped so many of them learn the best tools to relate better to their children, handle difficult decisions, and how to assess whether their child needs more help than just parenting.
If you are ready to change the relationship with your children and feel more confident in your role as a parent, Lisa’s parent coaching is right for you. She does parent coaching either with you or with you and a parenting partner.
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