The other day, a friend of mine posted a pretty cruel and divisive political post on Facebook. He isn’t the only one, of course. Sometimes I just unfriend or hide really nasty people or comments, but this man is a close friend. I care about him and his family. I often think I should just ignore these posts, yet on this particular day I was coming off of a week in which I was working with women on assertiveness, confidence, and finding their voice. I felt the need to follow my own advice.
I tell my clients and seminar attendees that it’s important for women to speak up, to have our voices as part of the conversation and ultimately the solution. We talk about how to be assertive yet still kind, loving, and compassionate people. Most women I work with really want to be liked, even if it means not raising their own voice. This often leads to women feeling resentful, hopeless, and unhappy. Raising our voice is hard work. For many of us, it is scary in that we were raised not to do so.
Respect Versus Being Liked
I’ve been working with women on seeking respect versus being liked. We don’t have to be friends with everyone, but it’s nice to be friendly as often as we can. Being respected means that we are treated as equals, not with sexism or a lack of equality. Respect means we walk away feeling like we have a voice, we use it, and we are okay with how others view us.
So I commented on my friend’s post. I told him why I disagreed and why I felt it was a divisive post. I didn’t call him names, threaten him, or use manipulative words to state my point. He responded to me with respectful disagreement. When I wrote my comment, I was really nervous. My stomach was in knots and I was afraid that maybe he wouldn’t like me or that his friends would say mean things to me. Yet I said it nevertheless and that is how I know that I’m getting more confident and less fearful to share my point of view.
Why is finding and using our voice so hard for so many women?
Why is finding and using our voice so hard for so many women? I think many of us were not raised to be confident or vocal. I also think that women often get pushed back when they do speak up. It’s hard to push through our fear of speaking up. It’s hard to face hate down and ask for a change. It’s hard, but what is the alternative? It’s time for women to have an equal voice in the politics of our country, as well as in business and in our homes. It’s time for us to speak our minds and to ask for what we want.
So watch out haters and misogynists! I won’t be tolerating your divisiveness this election season. I’m going to use my voice to ask you to change your behavior. I’m going to ask you to be civil, to not call names, and to not use sexism to make your point of view. I’m going to be scared when I do this, but I’m going to do it regardless. Who is with me?
Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. CPC
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Smart Women, Inspired Lives: How to Be Happy & Confident
by Dr. Lisa Kaplin
Do you long for more energy? Do you wish you could walk into any room and feel happy and confident? Do you simply want to enjoy your life more – personally and professionally? You can. Too many women today are doing more, but feeling less satisfied. Life doesn’t have to be that way. With small tweaks and simple strategies, you can enjoy a great life with soaring self-confidence, a good sense of well-being, and plenty of laughter. This easy-to-read yet profoundly impactful book will be all you need to join the tribe of smart women living inspired lives. Your life gets better right now.
About Lisa Kaplin, Psy. D, CPC
Certified Life Coach and Psychologist at Smart Women Inspired Lives.
I’m the proud owner of Smart Women Inspired Lives, where I help overwhelmed and exhausted women move from the feeling of being “stuck” into a life filled with calm, confidence, and joy. In addition to the posts and articles I write, I offer individual and group life coaching sessions, classes and speaking engagement opportunities.
Many women have either lost confidence in themselves or realize that they’ve never had it. They are afraid to ask for what they want, they don’t feel good about themselves physically or emotionally, and getting through the day is exhausting. Lisa’s unique self esteem coaching isn’t about superficial compliments to yourself but rather the deep, insightful work that will permanently change how you feel about yourself, how you approach the world, and how to take care of yourself in the healthiest possible way.
|What do you need to do?||Delegate Without Apology|
|What do you need to do?|
|Delegate Without Apology|